Sex, lies and videotape

by Brian DiTullio
Two stories in the news caught my eye this week, neither of them surprised me. The first was New York Governor Elliot Spitzer getting caught with a high-priced call girl and resigning in disgrace. The second was “Girls Gone Wild” creator Joe Francis cutting a plea deal for sex charges in Florida.

The first story, Spitzer, didn’t even make me blink. A high-powered politician who made a career crusading against corruption turns out to have an $80,000 hooker habit? Say it ain’t so.

To echo what has been said ad nauseum over the last few days: If you’re going to pay $5,000 for a prostitute, she better hang around and do the laundry, or at the very least have the common courtesy to bring a few friends.

The Joe Francis “Girls Gone Wild” story, Francis didn’t surprise me either. Francis has enough money and enough lawyers that I’m surprised he’s been in jail this long (11 months).

To tie this all together, bear in mind that politicians have been screwing their constituents and the hookers for as long as man has walked on this earth and declared a pecking order. Also bear in mind that the pimps who provide the hookers always cry innocent when said politician turns on them and has them arrested.

Thus it’s no surprise that Francis is proclaiming his innocence in the Florida sex charges and blaming a corrupt political machine that made him a target of their agenda.

What’s even sadder is that Francis is probably right.

Now, to make myself perfectly clear, Joe Francis is in the Top 10 of “World’s Largest Doucheholes” club, and he’s guilty as hell when it comes to the Nevada tax evasion charges he’s still facing. But to put Francis in jail for allegedly taping 17-year old girls in sexually oriented situations after they lied about their age is the height of hypocrisy.

First, we all know that politicians have a tendency to succumb to corruption, so I call bullshit right there. Second, I worked in a spring break haven for two years and know first hand that once these 18-24 year old girls get away from mommy and daddy and get a little alcohol in their system, pretty much anything goes, especially if someone is holding a video camera.

I can’t tell you in a concise manner how many things and body parts I saw when I had my camera out. I didn’t even have to ask. Once they saw the camera and the reporter credentials, it was party on.

The local radio station out here in Phoenix does a “Spring Break Bust” every morning since the annual event started. It features worried mothers calling in and asking the hosts to call their daughters to find out what’s really going on. While the mother listens silently in the background, the girls usually recount nights of wild drinking, debauchery and degrading acts that you would swear are made up. (I think some are, but you know the line about truth being stranger than fiction). The bit ends with the daughter begging forgiveness from the enraged parent.

So, should Spitzer have resigned? Although Bill Clinton didn’t do anything illegal, he got caught cheating and didn’t have to resign. But he did survive an impeachment, so that argument is mostly moot.

The bottom line is that sex scandals have been and always will be a part of politics no matter the party, country or culture. This is not the downfall of western civilization, but I’m sure many people would argue “Girls Gone Wild” is a harbinger of the end.

Should Joe Francis have sat in jail for 11 months for showing up to places with a video camera where drunken party girls are more than willing to get naked and perform sex acts? Absolutely not. If that’s the case, almost every guy with a camera phone should be sitting in jail right now.

That being said, Francis should be sitting in jail for tax evasion charges. If I gotta pay Uncle Sam, then so should that waste of oxygen.

Before the comments come, here is my stance on porn, prostitution and partying naked on spring break:

Porn: Absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as all subjects are willing. I’d rather be exposed to nudity than mass slaughter.

Prostitution: The oldest profession in the world. We’ll never stop it, so we may as well legalize it and protect the workers. This is an arguable point for sure, and it’s not worth getting into. There is no “right” answer to this question in my opinion. Both sides of the argument have valid points.

Spring Break Partying: I think everyone, at some point in their life, should be able to cut loose and “go wild”—girls included. That being said, at some point you have to ask yourself, “Am I really having fun, or am I just being an idiot for the sake of being an idiot?” Once you hit that question point, it’s time to dial it down and take stock of the situation.

You get the picture.